My Thoughts Continue to Taunt Me
I can not cry at work.
I can not cry at work.
I am not okay and I want to die.
I am not okay and I want to die.
I am not okay and I want to die.
I can not cry at work.
I can not cry at work.
No matter how far my mental capacity has plummeted in the past, moving back into my parent's house was a horrendous decision and has caused so much mental stress.
I can not remember the last time I was this bad.
Before I returned, I convinced myself that the negative memories were all just in my head.
That I was just over exaggerating the situations and the way they went down.
Being back in their environment has shown me I was not making shit up.
I was not blowing things out of proportion.
My self-esteem is at an all time love.
I want to eat everything and nothing.
My default answer to everything negative is:
"I should just die."
I want to cut.
I want to drink and smoke and dissipate into the universe.
Words keep running over and over in my head.
I am not okay and I want to die.
I am not okay and I want to die.
I am not okay and I want to die.
I am not okay and I want to die.
I am not okay and I want to die.
I refuse to let go.
I refuse to give in.
I refuse to allow the poison to soak through my veins and keep me drowning.
I am realizing I can not heal in the environment that made me sick.
But I know I will get out.
I will get better.
I will not allow my demons to win.
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