Hey, long time no posts (and it's a mess of a post tbh) (TW: Suicidal Thoughts)

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So, it's been a while.

I dropped this blog after graduation for some damn reason.

Stupid of me, really.

But I've had no inspiration to write.

It's like my depression runs me in circles.

I write because I have depression.

But my depression stops me from writing. 

I guess I'm an adult now?

Full time job? Check.

Moving into an apartment with my fiancé? Check. 

Getting married? Check.

Taxes? Check.

It's like I have my life togther.

But my mind is coming apart at the seams.

I'm stuck in a weird place. 

I want to kill myself.

But I know I won't.

So my brain is stuck in limbo.

Like I'm standing on the edge, but refusing to step off.

And because I'm fighting so hard not to step off,

I can't make myself step back.

To turn away and try to get better.

It's honestly infuriating in the worst kind of way.

I want to get better, but I'm so exhausted from trying not to get worse.




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