Hi me again (so soon, I know) (TW: cutting)

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So wow. I just read through my whole blog (it's not a ton of posts, but it's a good chunk of things I suppose) and I figured it's been a long time so an update so anyone who reads this (highly doubtful, but a kid can dream) knows where I'm at.

I've been on anti-depressants for almost a year and for me, they are working out well.

While I am still currently living at my parents, I am moving out in May to live with Devin. I am so thrilled and terrified it is unreal.

I actually did get a full-time job in my field. I equally hate and love my job. I hate it because I realize I really just want to do film. I love it because I am getting so strong from carrying around 60 plus pounds of camera equipment and am outside almost every day. Also being a news photographer is weird. People either really like you or absolutely hate you.

I haven't ever come out on this blog, but I recently realized I am genderfluid and my fiancé accepts and loves me just the way I am. I cried so hard when he was so kind and accepting. I was so overwhelmed.

While I still feel suicidal a lot, the medication is helping me cope and I've only had 2 major breakdowns recently.

I've quit drinking heavily, haven't touched a cigarette in over a year.

I did cut about 3 months ago. My brain became overloaded and I felt desperate. Kinda a low point, but I'm still a work in progress.

I am equal parts scared and excited for my wedding. It's a big step in my life. I think it'll be wonderful.

While I'm not perfect and I am still in limbo (see post below) I am doing much better staying afloat.

...

Most of the time. :P

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