Something's Wrong (Trigger Warning for Depressed Thoughts and Mentions of Suicide/Self Harm {Not anything really bad or strongly worded, but still})

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I'm wrong.

I mean, I just can't do anything right.

I've been moved into my apartment for a month and I still haven't finished moving all my boxes. Even my sofa and dresser are still in storage and all I have to do is call the moving company. That's it! My parents are paying for it cause my fiancé and all moved all their furniture but I can't even get on the website to get a quote. Why? Idk ask my fucking useless brain!

I need to finish painting our bedroom. But I can't bring myself to open a damn can of paint. Why? Ask my useless brain it's convinced it's too fucking hard.

I need to clean and organize. Something I fucking enjoy doing. But I can't and I don't fucking know why! It's the stupidest thing just fucking do it.

I need to cook and meal prep and take care of myself, personal hygiene is important but my brain keeps telling me I can't!

Or maybe I can but I don't have the energy.

I don't.

I don't have anything.

I can't even help my friends. That's what I do best.

"You're a healer." "You help people." "You give good advice." "Thank you for always being there."

But I can't even do that right now?!

Why?! Ask my useless fucking brain!

"You're preachy." "That's useless information." "You can't even get your own life together."

Preachy. Preachy. Guess I'm my fucking mom now!

"Clean up your mess." "Lose weight." "Be healthy." "Don't be stupid." "That's disappointing."

I guess that's all I am now.

Preachy.

How can I post this? Why?

Maybe I just need to get the toxicity out of myself but I don't know how.

I honestly, just want to curl up and die. Or cut. Or drink. Or smoke a cigarette. Or sleep.

I think I'm gonna go clean now.

Guess I'll just preach to the dirt and make it disappear.

Cause I guess I don't help.

I just preach.

Everything just hurts.

I just want to help.





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