Hey, long time no posts (and it's a mess of a post tbh) (TW: Suicidal Thoughts)
So, it's been a while. I dropped this blog after graduation for some damn reason. Stupid of me, really. But I've had no inspiration to write. It's like my depression runs me in circles. I write because I have depression. But my depression stops me from writing. I guess I'm an adult now? Full time job? Check. Moving into an apartment with my fiancé? Check. Getting married? Check. Taxes? Check. It's like I have my life togther. But my mind is coming apart at the seams. I'm stuck in a weird place. I want to kill myself. But I know I won't. So my brain is stuck in limbo. Like I'm standing on the edge, but refusing to step off. And because I'm fighting so hard not to step off, I can't make myself step back. To turn away and try to get better. It's honestly infuriating in the worst kind of way. I want to get better, but I'm so exhausted from trying not to ge