It's a Struggle, but I'm Still Here
Warning: This post features talk about suicide I'm 23 years old today and four years ago, I didn't think I would make it to 20. I was 19. I was lost, devastated, drowning in toxic thoughts that refused to relent. I was cutting almost every day, smoking cigarettes to help me breathe, taking shots to sleep at night and just begging to not wake up in the morning. Cool steel against my skull. I don't remember the exact thought that triggered me into action. I know I had considered this act many times. I had picked up the gun too many times to count actually. Cool steel against my skull. I had always stopped. I had always set it back down and walked away. I don't remember what had left me so vulnerable to those thoughts that night. I don't even remember what day. I remember taking a couple shots, cutting and lying on my bathroom floor, silently sobbing. I remember wanting things to stop, for me to stop. I couldn't use the gun. Everyone was asleep. I d