Uneasy Meanderings

I am currently stuck in class listening to people giving presentations on blogs and I want nothing more than to run away outside in the rain. Well, sprinkle I guess? It's not raining hard yet. I love the rain. I love standing in it and letting it wash away my thoughts. I hate the way my brain works. I am fighting tooth and nail every day to try and make it through. My thoughts latch on to the worst possible things and never let it go. I pray for peace and my mind fights me even still. I want to cut so fucking badly it's a physical itch under my skin. Rage: Original Photography by Em Kemper Archetypes and Mental Illness Photo Series I want a cigarette to help me breathe, but I'm on birth control so that's a horrible idea. I want to drink, but I just started antidepressants so that's an even worse idea. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I want to sit in the rain, not in this stupid class... ok class isn't stupid, I love this class, but I don't want to

So, I went to a psychiatrist for the first time in my life. It was interesting to say the least. Dr. Li is very eccentric and to the point and I thoroughly enjoyed meeting her. She was very precise in her words and what she wanted to know about me. She asked me how long I had been feeling depressed, she asked about my anxiety and my inability to concentrate for longer than five seconds on anything. She asked for the facts, not the feelings and never once doubted what I was saying. She took me at my word when I said that I was feeling depressed and did not ask me to justify my mental illness. She was, however, appalled that I had not sought out professional help in the past.  I honestly can't say that I haven't thought about it. I have, multiple times in fact. But I have always been scared because my parents have told me repeatedly that if I sought help, it would make an impact on my future, especially where medical insurance is concerned. Now, as a child born into a