How to Interact like a Normal Human Being

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It's 4 in the morning. And I have work today. I should be sound asleep right now.

But I'm not. Obviously.

Instead, I'm sitting here wondering why I try so hard to connect with other people and why I try so hard to make friends. I'm so horrible at it.

Do you ever have a conversation with someone or go a whole day feeling comfortable talking to someone and then all the sudden?

BAM!

It hits you out of left field that you're probably being weird or you get the feeling of dread that you've shared too much and all the sudden you can't think back and go "oh ya, we had some good conversation moments," but instead start analyzing every single fucking thing you said?!

"Holy shit I can't believe I said that." "Was that weird?" "Was that wrong?" "Do other people not talk that way?" "Do I talk weird?" "Are my speech patterns wrong?" "Did I annoy them? Scare them off? Will they ever talk to me again? And if they do, will their perception of me be clouded by some stupid thing I said?" "Shit now they're gonna ignore me." "Why did I say that?" "Did I say something I forgot and that's why they're being weird?" "Why did I try to interact with them?" "I should have stayed quiet." "Fuck."

"Fuck!"

"FUCK!"

"You're such a fucking idiot for trying. Why did you say that? You messed up. You made a mistake somewhere. You are a mistake."

And all the sudden your hearts in your throat and you can't breathe quite right because you fucked it up again and there's no way to fix it.

There's no way to fix it.

You fucked up again.

Again.

Again.

I just want to be everyone's friend.

Fuck.

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